The First Things To Go

Well, it's obviously been a long time since I've posted. The last couple months have been some of the most overwhelming that I've had in my life. Those who know me are probably aware that on September 25, my church (Crossroads) voted to strategically merge with another church in Ruston (Christ Community Church), a decision that really excites me about God's work in my hometown. For me personally, that meant having the congregation I lead in worship double in size overnight, a congregation that knows neither me nor my music. The first couple months of the merged church (The Bridge Community Church) have been exciting, challenging, and exhausting.

One of the many struggles I have is anxiety. I can become overwhelmed and I spend my time trying to gain control of situations that are simply out of my control. In the words of the SNL spoof of the late Harry Carey, I guess I'm just a worrier. (That's why my friends call me Whiskers.) So as great at this church merger has been, it also means that there's way more for me to do than I actually have time or energy to do. So I've been spending more time at work, less time with the family... but more than anything I spend time feeling stressed out. I'll lay in bed at night and make lists of things that I need to get done, or freak out over things I haven't done. I'm forgetting to do some things that have been a normal part of my job for the last nine years.

Thing is, we aren't made to be overwhelmed. It's an extremely prideful thing to think that we can manage everything in life, or keep it under our control. Part of being a follower of Christ means that we give Him control of everything we are: our energy, our priorities, our time, etc. But the fact remains, we don't always do that really well. And when I'm stressed, there are some important things in my life that get pushed out of the way. Here are a few of the most glaring:

1. Prayer. It's sad to say, but personal prayer is the most important thing that gets left out when I'm overwhelmed. I heard that a famous person once said, "I'm too busy not to pray." (I'm sure I could figure out who said it, but that would require a google search and I'm just too busy right now.) Philippians 4:6-7 is appropriate: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."That's a command and a promise. Command: Don't worry. Instead take your issues to God. Promise: The peace of God will guard you. I could use some heavenly peace right now. Maybe I should pray.

2. Strategic thought. This is the reason I haven't blogged or journaled lately. I had a friend tell me once that the difference between "normal people" and "highly effective people" is the amount of time they spend thinking. So my friend would try to spend a few minutes every day to shut his office door and just think about life. I haven't done anything like that lately. It would be great for me to ask myself some questions. What's good about my life right now? What isn't good? What can I change? Am I happy? Is my family happy? Where am I going? Where do I need to be going?

3. Exercise. I told Karen the other day, "It's been months since I did anything recreational." I love golf, but haven't played in months. I feel better when I run, but have run once in like three months. I started 2011 by doing push-ups and sit-ups every day. (100/day, adding 25 every week). I got huge, the buffest I've ever been. Haven't done a push-up since March. There are certain times that I try to eat heatlhier. Those of you who know me are laughing right now, because I love El Jarrito and Captain D's. And I've been eating a lot of chimichangas lately. (I eat because I'm busy and I'm busy because I eat.) Wade Burnett told me yesterday that I looked pregnant. I almost exclusively drink soft drinks. The only time I drink water is on Sundays, and that's only so I don't get hoarse singing. I could go on, but I don't want you to know how lazy and undisciplined I am... too late?

In short, anxiety has led me to being spiritually, mentally, and physically unhealthy. So now, not only am I anxious but I'm depressed as well. I'm a really nice person though.

Problem is, I keep waiting for a time when I can get a handle on life. I figure once that happens I'll be able to get myself healthy. How whack is that?! Jesus was pretty clear, "Come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest." Not, "Work real hard to get your stuff done, then you'll get yourself rest," but "Bring your burdens. Bring your worries. Bring your schedule. And in the middle of that whirlwind, you will find rest for your soul."

I'm weary. I'm heavy-laden. So I guess I qualify.

Do you? What are the first things to go for you?

New Blog Design?

I have a designer friend named Jake Dugard who is extremely talented. My blog has needed lots of help, so I told Jake I'd buy him lunch if he helped me give my blog a facelift. He thought an image at the top of my blog would add a lot to the feel of the page.

He came in my office yesterday really excited about what he had come up with. The problem is, I don't really like it.  Here's what he gave me:

How do you tell someone who is trying to help you "Thanks, but no thanks"?

The NOW

Life is different with kids. (Shocking revelation, right?) Mornings used to be quick, groggy times to shower and leave for work. Karen would wake up first, and my mind would slowly slip into consciousness as I'd hear the shower water running from the bathroom. Then I'd get out of bed, shower, kiss her goodbye and leave.

But now, mornings are a treasure. Owen generally wakes us up way earlier than we'd like, but we get out of bed anyway. I make coffee. We wait for Jude to climb out of bed and tiptoe into the living room. We feed the kids breakfast. We play music and dance. We sit in the driveway and watch cars go by. What used to be a quick transitional period is now two hours of priceless family time.

For years now, the Today Show has been part of our mornings. Some days it's just on in the background, other days we actually watch it. This morning I watched a story that was particularly gripping, and I figured I'd share a few of my thoughts here. The news just came home of the largest single-day loss of American life in the war on terror when 30 US military personnel were killed in Afghanistan. Today, Matt Lauer interviewed the family of one of those fallen soldiers Aaron Vaughn, who was a Navy SEAL. As I listened to their story, I was really moved by how painful life can be. This guy was able to come home a month ago for the birth of his daughter - but then he immediately left again to join his team in combat. He left his wife at home with their newborn daughter and a two year old son. You can watch that interview here.

Even typing these words I feel an immense amount of pain for that family, and for others who are struck by tragedies like this one. I can't imagine leaving home just after the birth of my child... but the thought that I would never see that child again is too much for me to handle. Here's a picture of Aaron Vaughn in 2009 with his oldest son, who is now 2 1/2: Jude's age.

That little boy will grow up with no real recollection of his dad. I see two things in Aaron's eyes: immense love for his child and immense appreciation for the present. This picture captures for me a moment - and life, really, is a just series of moments. It may sound obvious, but we always live in the NOW. However, we spend way too much time regretting the past or dreading the future. Are you taking advantage of the priceless moments that you've been given? What are you doing with your NOW?

I've been really moved lately by Tim Hughes' song, "Ecclesiastes." It's on his latest album, and it was written and produced by Martin Smith, long-time lead singer of the band Delirious. But it's a song about moments - how some are great and some are terrible. Life is full of so much uncertainty, so much change. Often times nothing seems constant, but all we want is stability.

Well, in this song there are some beautiful musical elements that reveal an extremely impactful truth for me. Out of this mellow tune of uncertainty and pain comes something constant: a heartbeat emerges from behind the music; then, everything stops except that heartbeat and a simple quarter-note middle C begins to drone on and on. Then the words begin to repeat and repeat, "Now's a time for singing..." In all the change, uncertainty, fear, pain, heartache, dysfunction, crap, and brokenness of life, NOW is a time to worship. Because God stands above all the junk, and He is in control. And the love of God is stronger than any pain, any evil, any sin.

I hope this song can be an encouragement to you - for you to live in the NOW, whatever that moment is bringing you. Now's a time for singing.

ECCLESIASTES

There's a time for tears and a time to dance,

There's a time to let go and a time for romance,

There's a time for war and a time for peace,

There's a time to embrace and a time to release.

O, my Lord, I need to find, 

Take my hand, and I will follow.

There's a time to love and a time to hate

All the evil choices that we make,

It's a time to rise and a time to fall,

It's a time to keep or just throw it all.

O, my Lord, I need to find, 

Take my hand, and I will follow.

(Now's a time for singing...)

Raise your voice and sing,

Raise your voice and sing.

Your love in every breath I take,

In every step I make,

Your love will shine on me.

Love will shine. Love will shine.

Take my hand. I will follow.

What Kind of Critic Are You?

One of the things I do in my job is oversee music in church. Church people tend to be, for the most part, very opinionated. And that makes sense, because church is connected to spirituality and tradition, both of which resonate very deeply within all of us. I'm guessing if you asked anyone who attends church regularly what they think of the music at their church, they'd have an opinion. Not many folks just shrug their shoulders and say "I don't care" when it comes to church music.

Because of that, I get a lot of feedback from people about what's good/bad/distracting/cheesy when it comes to how I plan services. And I believe that feedback is essential to designing worship for a community - so I welcome it. I love hearing what people think - I must hear what people think if I want to stay connected to the hearts of our people.

I also read a lot about what works other places, what other leaders are doing. So I hear feedback there as well. What I'm saying is that critical feedback is extremely important, and as leaders we have to be able to receive it (without it draining our sense of personal worth) if we hope to continue developing.

But there are loads of types of criticism. And this applies way beyond the bounds of church music. Maybe you've got to give an employee a performance review, or you need to confront your roommate or spouse on an issue. How we deliver criticism has a profound effect on how that particular message is heard.

How do you give criticism to others? Here are some questions to think about:

1. Is your feedback constructive? When people give feedback from a place of pain or insecurity, it is almost always destructive. Because when we're hurt, we generally want to drag someone else down with us. So if you're someone whose needs aren't being met in a certain area, try really hard to separate your critique from your own personal issues. Both of those areas are very important and worthy of being addressed; but too often people bury their own hurt in other issues, like volume of music, song selection, what people wear on stage, etc. If you're hurting while you deliver your criticism, chances are it won't be constructive, and therefore it won't be very effective.

2. Are you coming from a place of humility? We're proud people. And we're polarized people. That's dangerous. But when we start talking about being proud of being polarized, we're really in deep waters. As people, we tend to weld our preferences to our identity. "I like this because it's who I am!" Our pets don't do this. Your dog doesn't feel threatened in his dogness if you change from Alpo to Purina. But we're people, not dogs, and when change comes our way we feel like a part of us is dying. So we carry around our opinions like banners, staking our territory. Does it feel like that when you give feedback to someone? Do you assume that your opinion is better, or right, because it's yours? Or do you enter the discussion realizing it may be you who needs to change? I guess what I'm getting at is this: do you criticize with closed ears or open ears?

3. Is your criticism being directed at the right person/people? Criticism should affect change - or at least aim to. It follows, then, that constructive, purposeful criticism would have an intentional direction. If you don't like a decision, you should start by talking to the person who made that decision. With the emergence of the tweetosphere, many well-meaning critics have decided to sidestep the difficulty of face-to-face confrontations and air their grievances for everyone in the world to see. The results of such a thoughtless regurgitation of opinion is twofold: it will rally like-minded people around your personal viewpoint, and it will alienate those who disagree. Put succinctly, it polarizes people and is anything but constructive. So stop criticizing everybody to nobody using your blog! (I'm hoping you see the irony of this point).

4. Do you have the voice of an "insider" or an "outsider"? The people whose voices make the biggest difference are people who are willing to associate with a group, even if that group isn't perfect. There are tons of people with amazing ideas who get extremely frustrated by the problems and dysfunctions in a given culture. But often that frustration keeps them from assimilating into that culture, so what we get are these rogue idealists who have great advice that no one hears. No group, no church, no organization, no culture is perfect. But your voice will always be more impactful from within a culture than from outside. So take a risk and join that church.

5. What does your criticism usually produce? Probably the greatest litmus test of how well you deliver criticism is to examine your own experiences. When you speak up, do people tend to change or get angry? Or offended? Or hurt? Do you even speak up? Your opinion has the potential to help people grow and to help organizations change for the better. But the way you communicate can change everything.

It Ain't Easy

I read this morning in Psalm 90, where Moses said, "Even the best years are filled with pain and trouble." I read that and I began to think about my life. The last few weeks have been pretty tough around here.

I haven't blogged in a while. I've planned to, but haven't felt like it. Three weeks ago, Karen and I took Jude over to Shreveport so he could have surgery on his thumb. (It wouldn't straighten out - the surgery went well and his thumb is normal.) While we were there, I got a call saying that Larry Yeagle, one of the great men in our church, was killed while riding his bicycle north of Ruston. That news hit me and Karen pretty hard. We were standing in Target, Jude in the buggy, when we got the news. I hung up the phone and told Karen. Jude looked at us and said, "Daddy and mommy are sad." We were.

Larry had been working on a project with me, building a cart for I.A. Lewis Elementary School. His son told me that Larry had been working on the cart that afternoon just before he went on his bike ride. This is the most a death has ever affected me. It sucks.

That's tragedy. The rest of what I type here is inconvenience. It seems like for the past month and a half, some member of my family has been sick with something. Owen can't sleep through the night, so Karen feels like a zombie most of the time. The flowers I planted last month are dead. And last night the torsion spring on my garage door snapped in two so I can't get my scooter out. None of these things are that big a deal, but taken together they have really frustrated me. I mean, my flowers died!

And then I read what Moses said. "Even our best years are filled with pain and trouble." What do I expect out of this life? What our souls long for is "rest on every side." And I think that's what I keep waiting on. But it ain't gonna happen here - not until Jesus comes back and makes everything right. Something will always be broken; someone will always be sick; bills will always be due; weeds will always sprout up.

So I've got a choice to make. Either I can keep being frustrated that something isn't right, or I can learn to be a person who focuses on what is right. Spiritual maturity is not pessimism. It's peace, joy, and thankfulness no matter the circumstances. And I've got to believe these are some of the best years of my life. And even though I'll have trouble, I'll also have hope. Because Jesus has promised me that one day I'll have a life without junk. But it ain't this one.